When I started this – I was excited! I felt like I had a lot to share, that opening up about my struggles and the impact of military life would be a great way to give back to the community. I bought the domain, made the FB page, and even had a great first post (in my mind) after I did the standard intro post.

And then the self doubt kicked in. What do I know about mental health outside of my own struggles? And honestly, are my struggles even worth talking about? There are so many people that deal with so much more than I do. It’s just a little bit of depression and anxiety. Why would anyone want to listen to what I have to say about this topic? Especially in a world with a ton of milspouses blogging about a million different topics.

Imposter syndrome is not an official diagnosis in the DSM. Though it’s closely tied to anxiety and depression according to a variety of sources. Plus, when you are a perfectionist (oh hello Capricorn trait) it is more likely. Women are also more likely to suffer from this than men. Now – if you google it, this is typically associated with accomplishments especially in the professional world. You know, the woman that has multiple degrees and awards in her field, but still feels on the inside like a fraud.

To be honest, outside of some previous training in journalism and a deep seated love of creative writing, I don’t have any qualifications for this, so perhaps calling what I’m feeling imposter syndrome isn’t 100% on point, but it’s close enough.

Why do we do this to ourselves? We question, we make ourselves feel less than, try to shrink ourselves to fit how we think others view us. And I guess that’s a question to pose to my therapist when I next see her. Cause if you asked my friends for the most part they are going to tell you that I’m a strong woman. That I’m opinionated, outspoken, always willing to stand up for the underdog, articulate, a leader.

I feel anything but most days. Opinionated? Sure, I got lotsa opinions – don’t most people? Outspoken? Sometimes. A leader? You must be out of your mind. At least, that’s how I see myself. If I’m truly being objective and looking at myself from the outside in, my friends are right. I have no issue walking into a housing meeting and telling people politely exactly what I think is wrong with housing. I advocate for my kids. I express myself in pretty much any venue with maybe only the slightest pause before I do.

Yet, when I step into a leadership role, I always feel like I’m wearing clothing that doesn’t fit right. It’s just a tad bit off. Too tight here, a little loose in this area. And that’s kinda how this feels right now writing another post for this blog. (Man I’m awesome at tangents, I completely got away from where I was going with this, but I’m back on track now!)

But! My experiences matter. They are valid and perhaps my being open and honest about them will help someone. And if this helps even one person than it’s 100% worth it at the end of the day. And no, I’m not a mental health professional, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have insights or the ability to reason my way through something. (Um, anxiety sometimes impacts that though – see the whole MONTHS since I last posted something here)

So here’s to hopefully staying on top of this. I’ve got a ton of ideas floating around in my head that I want to explore with y’all. Here’s to pushing past the feeling like I don’t belong doing this to create a space that works for me.